Thursday, September 4, 2008

Fame, Fortune, and Forgetfulness

I hate reality TV.

Unless it's Cops, or something like FBI Files or The Investigators or something, it's not "reality." I refuse to believe that these people who are on shows like "Survivor," really are as irritating as they come across.

Especially considering the paychecks involved.

But, MSNBC is, apparently, surprised to learn that "people seek fame, fortune on reality TV." I say "apparently" because that's the actual title of the article.

The word, "DUH?" comes to mind. You don't have to have talent to be on reality tv--but, if you're female, you -do- need to be supermodel-esque. Name me one overweight reality series woman. Even on "American Idol," you have to fit a certain "mold."

That. Is bumpkis.

"There's a hole in the world like a great, black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit and it goes by the name of..." Hollywood. (Play that link while you read this. Just trust me). That's right. Hollywood wants everyone to believe that they have to be a size 2 waist and 38DD chest. Hollywood wants everyone to believe that they have to have young, chiseled features and ripped abs to be a success.

Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 at the peak of her career. Marlon Brando, even at his heaviest, was still -quite- the actor and leading man. Want more modern examples? Queen Latifah--one of the most beautiful women I've seen--not a size 2. I couldn't name you an actor that's not "handsome" for comparison. Mostly because Hollywood's bought it's own line of crap and won't cater to anyone that weighs more than a toothpick.

So, in this article on MSNBC, it names off several of the famous reality show people. Funny thing is, the only one I've ever heard of was the chick who's now on The View--and that's by pure happenstance, since I boisterously despise that show. Are these people -really- famous?

They're not A-listers, that's for sure. They most likely never will be. Actors who have struggled to get where they are aren't exactly fond of "reality TV." Do you think Matt Damon (who was turned down at auditions at least 150 times) would really appreciate some talentless hack of a toothpick saddling up to him for the next Borne movie? Do you think Christian Bale wants a "reality star" next to him in the next Batman? Probably not, but most likely because he's afraid the reality star may actually have more talent than he does. BOOM! Yes! I don't like Christian Bale. Sue me. I hated Batman Begins (loved Cillian Murphy as Scarecrow) and was only mildly entertained by The Dark Knight--and only because Heath Ledger was the focus of the movie.

I digress.

The simple fact that there are "auditions" for "reality" TV troubles me. In my way of thinking, if you're going to write a reality series(?!), then you should be out getting a random sampling of America. You see someone at the grocery store, you tap their arm and say, "Come with me. I want to offer you the chance to win $1 million dollars..." If they say no, you move on to the next person til you have your cast.

You don't script reality.


Reality TV is not life.

Besides, the fifteen minutes of fame and the grand prize fortune never last as long as hard work. True, for some people, reality TV has opened doors for their businesses, but...let's be real. Does anyone really care who Jonny Fairplay is? If you ask me, it sounds more like a porn star than a reality star...

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Trojan Ma'am?

This article--well, it's not really an article as much as it is a write up--just...there are not words. Since the article is so short, lemme just paste it here:
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Police in Port St. Lucie are on the lookout for a cross-dressing man who snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse. As if that weren't odd enough, they're depending on a strange clue. The suspect left behind a condom filled with water he had been using as a fake breast.

The woman said she believed the thief followed her while shopping. A witness told investigators he was wearing a short denim skirt and black tube top, and fled in a silver car with two other male crossdressers.

Police are processing the condom for fingerprint and DNA evidence.


You read that correctly.

A water-filled condom.

Just -what- brand of condom are these drag-queens using?! And, are they making Maxine-esque boobs?! I mean, it's been my experience that condoms are made to be long and skinny...ya know, like a penis.

Yes, I said penis. Thank you, Beavis.

Let's be mature, here. We all know what condoms are for. They're for somewhat ensuring that you don't end up like Gov. Palin's daughter. Yes, yes, I went there. I went there because you're already thinking it. You know you are. It's the hottest news topic. And one, I might add, I've already talked about. So, yeah. Condoms. They come in many flavors and styles.

Which...makes me wonder...

What flavor was this water-filled fake boob?

Maybe it was the only use he could find for the extra-large condoms he thought he could impress someone with by buying them...

Who knows.

But, the mental image I have of a guy with water-filled condoms for boobs...just... well, to say it's disturbing is an understatement. I mean...were they hanging? Were they length-wise? Inquiring minds want to know!!! As disturbing as it is, it's like a train-wreck and you just can't stop matter how much you want to...

I can't really rant on this as much as I can just sit here and poke fun... know that this was somehow newsworthy...

The mind boggles...

"Paging Mr. Darwin...your species are multiplying..."

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Are You a RepubliCAN or a RepubliCANT?

John McCain, Republican nominee for President, has yet to make a decision that the Republicans who presumably support him have agreed with. Does this mean his decisions are wrong? No. It means he's making his choices independently of the opinions of his constituents. Which is good. He's voting his conscience.


It's not McCain that's going to lose the election for McCain. It's not his Vice-Presidential pick, Susan Palin. It's his party.

That's right! The very people who nominated him as the Presidential candidate are going to lose the race for him. Why? Because they're doing the mud-slinging for the Democrats. Obama's already stated he wants no part of bashing Palin's family. So. That actually works in favor of the Democrats. Hmmm... the Republicans must secretly want Obama to win.

Maybe they agree with the rest of the nation that "change is good."

No matter who McCain chose for VP, he was going to be ridiculed. He wanted Tom Ridge or Joe Lieberman. I've met Mr. Ridge. He would be a fine Vice President. He was a great governor. The shmuck PA has in office now isn't so hot. But, that's a rant for another time. I got out of the state before I had to deal with him. I currently live where The Governator will be "bahck!" Most likely. He's not that bad...but, I digress.

No matter who McCain chose for VP, he was going to be ridiculed! Both Ridge and Lieberman are pro-choice--something the Christian Right Wing (that everyone in the Republican camp was worried about) managed to overlook while Ridge was governor of PA. They didn't like it, but Ridge was that good that it didn't matter. Besides, Obama has PA, at the moment, just because Sen. Joe Biden was born and reared there. States like their home-grown boys--especially if they're good. And Biden's good.

Ridge was good. Ridge may have been the better choice--but that's what McCain gets for listening to his consituents. So, he selected Palin. Now, apparently, there is a big to-do about how she's not the appropriate choice. And who is saying this? CAMPAIGN STAFF! That's right. Republicans.

Excuse me. RepubliCANTs.

She CAN'T do this... She CAN'T do that... This factor means she CAN'T be good at this...

She's YOUR CANDIDATE! SUPPORT HER! Let the Democrats sling the mud. Or...because Obama said no to mudslinging at people's families, do you feel you need to do it for them? I'm all about making infomred decisions, but that's like ratting out your own teammates, guys. Way to lose the game for yourselves. Isn't that what got Shoeless Joe Jackson banned from baseball?

What will happen, I predict in my oh-so-prophetic way, is that Obama will win the election and the Republicans (who've spent their time complaining about their candidate) will complain about the changes Obama implements. Ya know what, boys? YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN IF YOU SABBOTAGE THE ELECTION.

That's what you're doing.

You want McCain to have a fair chance? Stop slinging mud at him and his VP. You want to fight to win the election, do what Obama did--establish your platform and stick with it. Talk about the issues, not the families. Who the heck cares if Bristol Palin is 5 months pregnant? She could have had an abortion! Oh, but you would have complained about that, too, wouldn't you? Yes, yes, there is no pleasing you. As if your daughters or sons haven't gone out and done something "bad" and gotten caught for it. How about we delve into your family life and see the skeletons you hide. Then we can remove you from your supposed position of "RNC Police."

If you're a GOP' a RepubliCAN and not a RepubliCANT.

A RepubliCANT is nothing but a Democrat.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Protest vs. Anarchy

As I was skimming MSNBC for a proper article to rant upon, I happened upon the headline: Dozens arrested at RNC event. Well, my first thought was, "Great! Someone's having their freedom of speech and freedom of assembly rights violated. Again." That thought was very quickly followed by, "Unless, ya know, they weren't protesting."

Which, they weren't.

They were being a nuisance and assaulting the delegates. From blocking freeways to throwing bottles and bricks at busses and limos, these "protesters" were causing harm to not only themselves, but others. The police managed to arrest 56 of them.


It's people like this group that do nothing for America except empower the Federal Government to continue to take away our rights. That's right. I'm passing blame to the idiots of this country--the ones who are at an anti-war protest and resort to violence to get their point across. Well done! Well done, indeed.

Because, the War on Terror really does start at home. But, I think that was a metaphorical war--not a real one. Or was it?

I could go on for days about the TSA and their arbitrary policies. Has any terrorist attempted to blow up a plane, stateside, by using a toddler's sippy cup? Has any terrorist attempted to attack the pilot with an allen-wrench? Has any terrorist attempted to take control of an airplane, wielding a 20 oz. bottle of shampoo?



Not even back in the days when hijacking a plane to Cuba was commonplace. No, see, terrorists aren't that stupid. I mean, yeah, there's the occassional Darwin's Choice Nominee(TM) out there, but you have those in every walk of crime. Heck, you have those in normal citizens. TSA serves as another way the government can mesmerize the American people into a false sense of security. Trust me, spending two hours in a line to have my person and luggage checked does not make me feel safer. At all. It makes me feel angry and annoyed. But, I can't voice this to anyone at TSA because I suddenly become a "terrorist suspect." That's right! If I mention that I feel my rights are being violated, I'm pulled to a seperate line and patted down as if I'd already committed a crime.

How much ya wanna bet those 56 people arrested for throwing potentially deadly items at the delegates are released without much of a reprimand. And they can continue on with their lives as if nothing happened. Go through the same air port screenings...and perhaps even sit right next to you on an airplane...and then take over the plane.

If you want to target people for searches and seizures, why not hook into the police records and check those people who, ya know, were actually charged with a terrorist related crime?! Oh, because that would be logical and easy! And, it would prevent the rest of the Americans who are already risking their lives by leaving their home to some how magically "feel safe" on an airplane. That could crash. For any reason.

They could be shot on the way to the airport.

They could fall down some stairs and break their necks.

They could lose sanity points by standing in a TSA security check-point line.

There's a lot of things that can happen to a person to cause their untimely demise. A terrorist attack is not high on that list. And it's not because of the TSA. If you ask me, the terrorists won. They have the US Government so paranoid, it's causing the Nation's own people to become terroristic in their attitudes and actions.

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!

The problem's not war on terror. The problem is terror. We have way too much of it. We're terrified of germs. We're terrified of obesity (and looking for someone to blame for it). We're terrified of drunk drivers (as we should be). We're terrified of guns. We're terrified of cancer. We're terrified of terrorists. Fear is the one thing that will keep a person down and when it grips a Nation...

...well, we're pretty much useless...

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Dumb Dumb dee Dumb

I promised I'd rant this weekend.

Amidst trips to the office to help my SO determine the source of my computer problems, trips to BestBuy (who, by the way, no longer carry motherboards), and to the kitchen to make food, I've found a story that makes me just sit here and shake my head.  Normally, I probably wouldn't find such a story rant-worthy, but ... I guess with the demise of my motherboard, I can rant about just about anything at the moment!

Grace Bergere, a 12-year old rock 'n' roll drummer (yeah, they start young, nowadays.  Thanks, Disney), fell 14 stories.  Down a chimney.  Oh, and this was at her apartment--well, her family's apartment.

See, she was showing her friend the beautiful view from the rooftop deck.  Then decided to climb a 25 foot ladder to the highest point...which happened to be at the chimney, which she happened to fall into.

Don't worry, she's fine.  Injured hip is all that she got from the ordeal--and a covering of soot.  The ash pile at the bottom of the chimney was about two feet thick, so it broke her fall.

Well, praise be to the Twelve Gods of the Northern Realm!  She'll live another day and Darwinism has, once again, proven false.  But, as we know, if her father is a true American, he'll sue his apartment complex for something ridiculously stupid--like not putting a sign up saying that, "Hey, if you're an idiot and you climb the 25 foot ladder, you could fall down the freaking chimney!" Or some other such nonsense.  

At least this kid's found something constructive to do with her time.  Her dad's a jazz guitarist and she'd preformed with the kids' choir for the symphony, but...that was too "angelic" (and clearly, not dangerous enough).  She likes playing the drums.  That's excellent!  There is a lack of female drummers in the world.  And at least she's not out tagging places or causing other rock stars to make life miserable for the rest of us peons.  

Hey, I promised I'd rant.  I didn't promise it'd be stellar.