Toxic Avenger VI

Maybe you remember the awful (in a good way) '80s movie series The Toxic Avenger?  If you don't, it's okay.  You should watch, at least, the first one.  It's good for a laugh and several "O_o" moments.  Plus, I swear the toxic spill in RoboCop is recycled from the first Toxic Avenger movie.  Speaking of RoboCop....what is this atrocity?!

Anyway.  I could rant on Hollywood's craptacular remakes of classic movies and television series, but this particular article is way more important than that.  Just a note, Hollywood, just because you have CGI doesn't mean you should use CGI.  Star Wars was perfectly fine before you came along and "remastered" it...and then made the sucky pre-quals (though, I hold Lucas more responsible for the suckitude there).

THIS RANT actually has to do with this article published on November 15, 2012 (I know, I'm a few days late... be happy.  Be grateful I've taken time out of my Masters courses to write, nay, to entertain you).  I'll let you read it.

Oh, wait, we've tried that before.  You want me to just tell you what's in the article.  Fine.  Here's a recap:

White Man steals Red Man's lands.  White Man allows Red Man to establish "sovereign nation" within the newly formed, stolen, country.  White Man proceeds to treat Red Man like a second-class citizen for the next few hundred years, culminating with ensuring safe water supply.

Well, actually, that's not entirely true.  You see, there was a war in there...there was the Trail of Tears, too (is this the U.S.'s version of the Holocaust because we seem to forget about it very conveniently).  Then there was the establishment of the sovereign nation on the "reservations."  If you're not sure what the sovereign nation thing means, it means that the reservation is not subject to the laws Federal government--they are in charge of themselves--they govern themselves.  The government gives them money (almost as an apology for stealing and destroying their land) and, apparently, gets to decide things like....how outsiders get to use the reservation's land.

That's right.  The EPA (Environmental Protection Agency...lemme say that again, ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY) has granted permits to oil companies to drill on the reservation and then dump the wastewater at the surface.  A loophole was written into that law back in the '70s that allowed for the wastewater to be disposed of, surfacly, as long as the companies could prove the water was being used by the farmers.

The Natives (in this case, the Shoshone) don't even want the drilling, let alone the crappy water that's polluting the natural streams and creeks.  Thanks, EPA, for making the environment a safer place to exist!  Read the article.  It'll make you mad if you have any kind of sense, logic, and human decency.  The States get to set their own laws regarding oil companies drilling on their land--and usually, their laws are stricter than the EPAs (are we really surprised here, kids?).  But, in the case of drilling on the reservations, you know, the land of the sovereign nation, the EPA gets to decide what's acceptable.

Well, folks, THIS is NOT acceptable!  This is horrendous, appalling, and a whole bunch of other big words meaning full of crap.  We've screwed the Native Americans enough, haven't we?  Or, is this our way of being the "supreme race" and driving other races to extinction by genocide, forced inter-racial marriages, banning of ceremonial/religious practices, etc?  It's all there in your history books, kiddies.  Take a look.  We enslaved black people and they revolted, overcame, and have integrated well into the U.S. culture;  we owe them nothing (sorry, if you're reading and feel entitled, tough luck...you get none from me).  We stole  the land from the Natives; we practically slaughtered them and nearly killed them off with our diseases; we hustled them into "their own" lands reserved for them, then forbid them from practicing their own religion....and now, we slowly try to poison them because, clearly, we could care less about their well being--they don't pay taxes, anyway (duh, sovereign frickin' nation)!

Got Gas?

I'm having a difficult time with this.

I'm sitting here in over-priced, over-taxed Califorina--where we have oil rigs off the coast in the Pacific and in other people's back yards--wondering one thing.

HOW in Bixby's Nine Hells is there a GASOLINE SHORTAGE!?!

How much further does America need to bend over for the middle eastern countries who've all but told us to "F**k off and die" to cram their bull up our proverbial butts?!

Last I checked, Texas was known for its oil production.

So, I suppose I, as a silly American, am wondering just what the heck we're doing that we're running out of gasoline! The $4.25 I pay per gallon has to be going somewhere. I can guarantee it's not for upgrades to the gas station. It's going into some oil tycoons pocket.

Yes, Mr. President, I'm looking at you.

And your cabinet.

It's no secret, there. But, for crying out loud! A gas shortage?! Really!? What was this war about in the first place? Oh, right... Afghanistan hosted the Al Quida which came into our country and killed a few hundred innocent people.

Which makes sense that we would invade Iraq.

Because, ya know... they're so close in location. It's an easy mistake.

So, what are these poor people in Tennessee doing? Probably wishing that America would call its proctologist to have its head removed. Thank GOD the elections are soon. Not that McCain or Obama will necessarily fix the problem. But, in either case, I won't feel like my President has the brain of a carrot.

Which could be an insult to the carrot.

I love America. I think Bush has done some wonderful things... just not lately. And, sadly, any respect I had for him is now gone. He's done too many boneheaded things for me to feel confident in saying I support him.

I support the country. Not the one holding the reigns.

Please, though, don't assassinate him? The Vice President isn't much better...

Let's just focus on the right war--the one that resolves the problem of America getting her rear end handed to her seven years ago. SEVEN FREAKING YEARS!

...and we've got a gas shortage...

Lemme think here...

*Enter into a needless war with a country who wasn't a real threat at the time
*Waste taxpayers' money by keeping our troops in said war
*Keep feeding the American populace bull about how this war will help the economy
*Do ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY NOTHING when the gas prices go from $1.75 per gallon to $4.75 per gallon
*Blame said increase ON THE WAR THAT WE STARTED
*Suddenly find ourselves in a gasoline crisis "because we're at war with our oil suppliers."

Here's an idea.

Get the heck out of Iraq. Let their government collapse in on itself and let them rebuild on their own. Utilize the oil that's in our own back yard while we develop alternate forms of energy. Hybrids are a good example. I'm pretty sure these scientist that waste money on needless research would be able to come up with a way to use ethenol alcohol for fuel.

I'm sick of hearing, "We can't..."

Of course we can't.

Because we're not a people who like to leave our little comfort zones. Get a divergent thinker on the team and watch those "can't's" turn into "can's."

Unless, of course, they're a Republican.

Smarter Than...?

So, in Georgia--the State, not the country--Kathy Cox went on a game show called "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader" and won the $1million grand prize. That's a wonderful accomplishment, considering the educational development of most of the people on our country. She answered the ten questions correctly to get to the million dollar question--"Who was the longest reigning British monarch?" I know the answer to that question. But, I would have made a political statement and said Queen Elizabeth II (that's the current monarch, for those unaware of the fact there's a world outside of the US). Why? Because I'm sure she's just trying to outlive Charles so that someone less dense than he can take over the throne--like one of his sons.

Anyway.

This story isn't something to really rant about...unless you've read the original article by this point and noticed that I've left out something about the woman--her job. I'll wait while you all rush to find out what it is. I have all day.

Oh, fine, she's the Superintendent of the school district. So, theoretically, she should be smarter than a fifth grader. But, let's not jump to conclusions on that. Anyway, she used this prize money for the school district, which is a wonderful idea. Why does this irritate me?

BECAUSE PEOPLE COMPLAINED ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, yes! "She has better things to do with her time."

Obviously, you don't. If you're complaining about the superintendent winning a family-centric game show about education, then using the money for the school district, you clearly have no life. Or intelligence. Or sanity. Does Cthulhu talk to you in your sleep or something?!

Now, another thing that really got me was the author of this article felt the need to tell everyone she's a Republican. Why? Is it really necessary? Even if it's an elected position, is it really necessary? Would she have been ridiculed less if she was a Democrat? What if she were Libertarian? Is it that, as a Republican, she is allying herself with the Big Oil companies and the money she won from the contest is actually going to support Big Oil rather than, say, Education?

It all comes down to oil, doesn't it.

The War on Terror's over. The terrorists won. They've scared Americans stupid. How do I know this? Because we're complaining about everything. The superintendent wins $1million for the school district and she "has better things to do with her time." Our President is still searching Iran for the weapons of mass destruction. Bin Laden is probably well preserved in some holy temple somewhere and someone's probably communing with his spirit so that they know what his wishes for Al Quaida were...and we're doing what? Oh, right, establishing a US-Friendly government...in IRAQ.

Whatever.

If you're complaining about someone else doing something good for their district, you're either jealous...or stupid. Most likely both.

Seriously: Greater Evil 2008

U GAIZ. SRSLY.

Seriously, you guys.


Moveon.org (a name that makes me laugh) has launched a campaign against Sen. Elizabeth Dole and Sen. John McCain because they're allowing the oil companies to keep $13.5 billion in tax breaks. Seriously. Watch the video about it here.

Read the rest of the story here.

Currently, a bill encouraging cleaner energy and a repayment of the $13.5 billion from the oil companies has been stopped, yet again. The only ones who are passing this bill are the democrats. Now, I don't pretend to have a clue what's in the bill or exactly what it does. But, I also do not assume to be naive when it comes to thinking about things. If all the democrats in the Senate, except one, is voting for this bill and none of the Republicans (and one democrat) are voting against this bill...it makes me stop and say, "Hmmmmmm?"

So, how do John McCain and Elizabeth Dole fit into this?

From what I can tell...they're Republicans.

That's it.

John McCain wasn't even present at the recent vote. He was in Iowa. Campaigning. Ya know, for election to President? That thing we get to vote on in November? Oh, and on a side note: If you don't vote, you don't get to complain about the President, mkay? Mkay.

In fact, according to an article on CBSNews, the only person in the running that even voted at all for this bill was Barak Obama in 2005, granting the big oil companies $3 billion in new giveaways.

I'll let that sink in.

Time's up.

So, two people who have nothing to do with this Energy Bill are getting lambasted for "allowing it to continue" because they're choosing not to jump on the bandwagon and actually thinking about the repercussions of misleading statements contained elsewhere in the document, and the very person who helped establish the $13.5 billion in tax breaks is currently the Democratic nominee for President?

Wow.

McCain should win just because he looks like an older Bruce Willis.

What? If people can make ludicrous statements about houses and oil companies, I can say ludicrous things about looks, right? I mean, who wouldn't want a Bruce Willis look-a-like for President?! I mean, yes, it'd be better if it were Chuck Norris, but still.

"Yippee-kai-yai-yay, Mother Truckers!"

The Oil Conspiracy

It's in the news everywhere. Gas prices are on the rise again. I don't need to link you to MSNBC or CNN for you to find a news story on the war and the price of gas in California. In fact, if you live in California, you can just walk to the gas station and scream. Or...just look at your keys. If you can afford it.

Everyone has always told me that war is a good economy-booster. But, who's really benefiting from this war in the Middle East? First of all, I don't think any of those countries have said, "Hey, America! Thanks for giving it the ol' college try!" In fact, I think those countries have pretty much done the opposite and shot our boys and girls in the back.

Yet we stay.

Their government will fall apart if we leave.

I have one thing to say to that: "WHO IN BIXBY'S NINE HELLS CARES?!" It's a volatile area. They've been at war with each other for centuries and here's a newsflash--they'll keep being at war until they either all die out or Jesus comes back (or for the first time, if you're Jewish). Don't sell me on a war you want to have by saying it's a fight on terrorism.

Also, in this "war on terrorism," don't take away my rights as an American citizen and say it's for my safety. If I were going to explode a bomb on a plane, I wouldn't wait in a 2 hour security check line. I'd dress as an employee. Also? What's with the "60% of 'fake' bombs" making it through the TSA checkpoint? Yes. Well done, Homeland Security. Well done.

When the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, we didn't tell the American Citizens they couldn't carry toothpaste in their carry on if it was over 3oz. We attacked the Japanese. So, when Al Quida gave the directive to fly planes into the Pentagon and Twin Towers...why, exactly are we not able to carry liquids over 3oz? THEY FLEW THE FREAKING PLANE!!!

Maybe we should check, oh, I dunno, PILOT LICENSES?

As much as I love our American troops, I still think Asylum Street Spankers have the right idea with "Stick Magnetic Ribbons (On Your SUV)." You can watch it here. So, maybe the Federal Government should visit a proctologist to remove the heads out of the rear ends of those people making the decisions to take away or violate my indelible rights. It's not terroristic to speak your mind. It's actually in the Constitution that one can do so--it's called "FREE SPEECH."

Why are the oil prices a conspiracy? Because the price per gallon doesn't need to be as high as it is. There's no reason for it. It's a way for the oil moguls to continue to ecru wealth. I don't see them stepping up to help pay off America's debt. I also don't see them really helping the economy, either. If a person makes $7.25/hr and has to spend $4.50/gallon, then on top of that pay for food, water, electricity, rent... It's virtually impossible.

It's a conspiracy against the American public. It's falling into order what Regan stated about America (depending on who you believe, he was either quoting Lenin or misquoting him):

After Russia we will take Eastern Europe, then the masses of Asia, then we will encircle the United States which will be the last bastion of capitalism. We will not have to attack. It will fall like an overripe fruit into our hands.

We're falling into the hands of something, America. And it ain't pretty.