Joining the Military

So.

You've graduated high school and you want to do your duty and serve your county, so you sign up to join the military. Depending on your branch of choice, your basic training can be anywhere from six weeks to twelve weeks then you get to go into your happy position as mook.

Guess what?

If you've been hiding under a rock for the past 7 years, we're involved in a war. Excuse me, two wars...though, no one talks about the one we should be fighting. If you do not wish to have your butt be a target for some crazed person holding a grenade launcher...

DON'T JOIN THE MILITARY.

Conscientious objector my left eye! There was a time when that phrase was useful--and those people weren't in the military. Because the military is about FIGHTING WARS.

You don't have to agree with the orders given by your superiors...sadly, you have to follow them. Unless they violate some ethical code (as in, "You must [insert sex act here] if you want to be promoted"] or something extreme like that, you don't really get a choice.

Defecting to another country will not save you. Especially if you're defecting to CANADA. Of course, in this case, Canada played right into this guy's hands. "He would suffer irreparable harm..." Yes. He'd be hazed. Possibly even have the crap kicked out of him by his unit. Or even shot.

Definitely court-martialed. A dishonorable discharge is really not worth the trouble. It looks terrible on a resume. I doubt anyone's going to ask about your "conscientious objection" to a war that most people agree is stupid, but it's what the US wants. Your objection could have cost your unit their lives.

Be happy they aren't trying you for murder.

Be happy you're not so important in this world to make a huge difference to the success of your mission. You must have been dropped on your head when you were a kid. Seriously, mate. If you're going to join the military, do yourself and your country a favor and just don't sign up if you don't want to get shot at.

Now.

As for Canada's stay on this matter.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

Send his butt back to America--or, you know what? No. Keep him. We don't want him back. We'll revoke his citizenship and his rights and you can have him. Let him join the RCMP and conscientiously object to some of the things they do. See how long it lasts. And when he defects back into America, we'll kick him right back to you.

Or, hold on to him and say, "No, no...we can't send him back. His psyche may be damaged by the consequences of his stupidity."

Gimme a break. Send him to Iraq. Without a weapon. Let him conscientiously object over there. We have more important things to do... like rip apart Sara Palin and laugh at Ralph Nader.

Got Gas?

I'm having a difficult time with this.

I'm sitting here in over-priced, over-taxed Califorina--where we have oil rigs off the coast in the Pacific and in other people's back yards--wondering one thing.

HOW in Bixby's Nine Hells is there a GASOLINE SHORTAGE!?!

How much further does America need to bend over for the middle eastern countries who've all but told us to "F**k off and die" to cram their bull up our proverbial butts?!

Last I checked, Texas was known for its oil production.

So, I suppose I, as a silly American, am wondering just what the heck we're doing that we're running out of gasoline! The $4.25 I pay per gallon has to be going somewhere. I can guarantee it's not for upgrades to the gas station. It's going into some oil tycoons pocket.

Yes, Mr. President, I'm looking at you.

And your cabinet.

It's no secret, there. But, for crying out loud! A gas shortage?! Really!? What was this war about in the first place? Oh, right... Afghanistan hosted the Al Quida which came into our country and killed a few hundred innocent people.

Which makes sense that we would invade Iraq.

Because, ya know... they're so close in location. It's an easy mistake.

So, what are these poor people in Tennessee doing? Probably wishing that America would call its proctologist to have its head removed. Thank GOD the elections are soon. Not that McCain or Obama will necessarily fix the problem. But, in either case, I won't feel like my President has the brain of a carrot.

Which could be an insult to the carrot.

I love America. I think Bush has done some wonderful things... just not lately. And, sadly, any respect I had for him is now gone. He's done too many boneheaded things for me to feel confident in saying I support him.

I support the country. Not the one holding the reigns.

Please, though, don't assassinate him? The Vice President isn't much better...

Let's just focus on the right war--the one that resolves the problem of America getting her rear end handed to her seven years ago. SEVEN FREAKING YEARS!

...and we've got a gas shortage...

Lemme think here...

*Enter into a needless war with a country who wasn't a real threat at the time
*Waste taxpayers' money by keeping our troops in said war
*Keep feeding the American populace bull about how this war will help the economy
*Do ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY NOTHING when the gas prices go from $1.75 per gallon to $4.75 per gallon
*Blame said increase ON THE WAR THAT WE STARTED
*Suddenly find ourselves in a gasoline crisis "because we're at war with our oil suppliers."

Here's an idea.

Get the heck out of Iraq. Let their government collapse in on itself and let them rebuild on their own. Utilize the oil that's in our own back yard while we develop alternate forms of energy. Hybrids are a good example. I'm pretty sure these scientist that waste money on needless research would be able to come up with a way to use ethenol alcohol for fuel.

I'm sick of hearing, "We can't..."

Of course we can't.

Because we're not a people who like to leave our little comfort zones. Get a divergent thinker on the team and watch those "can't's" turn into "can's."

Unless, of course, they're a Republican.

Smarter Than...?

So, in Georgia--the State, not the country--Kathy Cox went on a game show called "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader" and won the $1million grand prize. That's a wonderful accomplishment, considering the educational development of most of the people on our country. She answered the ten questions correctly to get to the million dollar question--"Who was the longest reigning British monarch?" I know the answer to that question. But, I would have made a political statement and said Queen Elizabeth II (that's the current monarch, for those unaware of the fact there's a world outside of the US). Why? Because I'm sure she's just trying to outlive Charles so that someone less dense than he can take over the throne--like one of his sons.

Anyway.

This story isn't something to really rant about...unless you've read the original article by this point and noticed that I've left out something about the woman--her job. I'll wait while you all rush to find out what it is. I have all day.

Oh, fine, she's the Superintendent of the school district. So, theoretically, she should be smarter than a fifth grader. But, let's not jump to conclusions on that. Anyway, she used this prize money for the school district, which is a wonderful idea. Why does this irritate me?

BECAUSE PEOPLE COMPLAINED ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, yes! "She has better things to do with her time."

Obviously, you don't. If you're complaining about the superintendent winning a family-centric game show about education, then using the money for the school district, you clearly have no life. Or intelligence. Or sanity. Does Cthulhu talk to you in your sleep or something?!

Now, another thing that really got me was the author of this article felt the need to tell everyone she's a Republican. Why? Is it really necessary? Even if it's an elected position, is it really necessary? Would she have been ridiculed less if she was a Democrat? What if she were Libertarian? Is it that, as a Republican, she is allying herself with the Big Oil companies and the money she won from the contest is actually going to support Big Oil rather than, say, Education?

It all comes down to oil, doesn't it.

The War on Terror's over. The terrorists won. They've scared Americans stupid. How do I know this? Because we're complaining about everything. The superintendent wins $1million for the school district and she "has better things to do with her time." Our President is still searching Iran for the weapons of mass destruction. Bin Laden is probably well preserved in some holy temple somewhere and someone's probably communing with his spirit so that they know what his wishes for Al Quaida were...and we're doing what? Oh, right, establishing a US-Friendly government...in IRAQ.

Whatever.

If you're complaining about someone else doing something good for their district, you're either jealous...or stupid. Most likely both.

Bravo, BoP

Death of former military personnel in dangerous situations always makes me sad. Especially if they've been through a war or two. Doubly so if the situation was preventable. Like this one.

Twenty-two year old Jose Rivera worked at the Atwater Federal Prison in California. He was a guard there. Federal guard. Federal guard. That is repeated for importance. He was a FEDERAL guard. If you don't understand why I'm emphasizing this, then you need to look up the prison system in America. Federal prisons are where really bad people go. Like Al Capone and Bridman of Alcatraz bad. In fact, Alcatraz was a Federal penitentiary. So, that should give you some idea of the people that are housed within Atwater.

In June of this year, two inmates stabbed and killed Mr. Rivera. Normally, this type of thing wouldn't get my dander up. Yes, I'm sad and upset that my taxpayer money goes to teach inmates how to make weapons MacGuyver would be proud of, but it's part of the job risks of working at a max-security Federal prison. I know. I had considered it a career option.

However, what they don't tell you is that you will have to do your job sans weapons. Of any kind. Or protection.

That's right, kiddies. If you want to work at the Federal Penitentiary, you don't get to carry pepper spray, collapsible batons, or even wear kevlar. You're at a FEDERAL PRISON. I'm sure the government thinks that once these murderers, rapists, gang members, etc, are put behind bars, they lose all urges to continue to commit crimes.

WRONG.

It's a prison! These are not good people! If they're killing each other, why wouldn't they try to kill the one or two people that stand in their way of freedom?!

So, yes, this story pisses me off even more than normal. Here's a boy that came back from Iraq where he had people shooting at him. But, he had a gun. He could shoot back. He had armor. He had opportunity to defend himself.

The BoP (Federal Bureau of Prisons) insists that its guards don't need non-lethal weapons. STATE prison guards carry pepper spray. FEDERAL prison guards must be Chuck Norris. Or Jackie Chan. Or Mr. Rogers, but that's another story. What is the Federal government thinking?! Miraculously, these prisoners are going to be civil? Nooooooooo....

I say that Federal Guards should be carrying guns. Yes, the inmates can get to those and use them to shoot the guards. But, ya know what? I'd rather have a guard shoot a prisoner than have a prisoner kill a guard. Contrary to popular belief, when a person chooses to commit a crime that lands them in a Federal prison, they lose their rights. There is no "civil liberty" for someone who's chosen to break the law. That's why it's called "punishment." I'm extremely tired of hearing about "criminal's rights." My right eye! THEY COMMITTED A CRIME! They WILLINGLY violated someone else's rights. Someone who -didn't- chose to violate the laws of America.

Heath Ledger's Joker had it right when he selected his men. "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I'm hiring. The bad news is, there's only one position. Make it quick." Maybe, since there's such an over-crowding issue, that would be a good way to handle prisoners. "Good news, boys, you're going to Atwater. Bad news, only have one place available...."

Oh, wait. We used to do that. I think it was called THE DEATH PENALTY.

Another Case of Blame

Ah, two things that make people want to tear their hair and do crazy things: Religion & Politics. When the two mix, you can be sure there will be a small War. Or two.

Or a rant.

To start, this has less to do with politics and more to do with general stupidity, but, it's still enough to really get my goose. And my geese don't like to get got! Anyway. This story comes from an August 18, 2008 article on CNN. The headline has to do with a cult that prayed to resurrect a little boy.

Now, on the surface, that seems pretty cool. But, once you start to read the story, you find that it's not quite so cool. In fact, you find yourself wanting to find this cult and put them out of your misery. Especially if you're a Christian--since that's what the cult calls itself.

I'll go back to that part later.

For now. An 18 year old girl gives birth to a child, then leaves the church she's in when her pastor "betrays her trust" by admitting to molesting boys in his congregation (again...this is a rant for another time or three). Now, I'm not a parent. I have no desire to be a parent. I may be wrong in my thinking here, but, most children at the age of one are lucky to be speaking in full sentences. Yet, this young mother somehow thought it was an appropriate punishment to withhold food and water from her son because he didn't say "Amen" at the end of his prayers.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!

A 1-year old not saying "Amen" after his prayers deserves to not be fed?! And they say Jerry Fallwell put the "mental" in "fundamental." After two days of not having food or water, the little boy died, needless to say. So, the cult members all circled up at the mother's home and started praying that God would resurrect the child.

God's ways are not our ways; His thoughts are not our thoughts, yada yada yada. But, I'm pretty sure that God would agree with me when I say, "...bwuh?"

Yes, God is a God of miracles, but, bwuh?! You've just killed your one-year old child because you've somehow proven the survival of the fittest theory false by your longevity and you're expecting God to fix your problem? So, when He doesn't you can whine and moan there is no God? I'll say it again: WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!?

I don't care if you're a member of a cult. I don't care if you're an agnostic, an atheist, a deist, a theist, a Free Presbyterian, a LOCKED-UP Presbyterian, or whatever. It's wrong in any religion to not feed a one year old baby.

It's. A BABY.

Now, I could understand, maybe, if the child was, ya know, able to actually talk in a full sentence and actually, ya know, understand what he was supposed to be doing. At one, you hardly have any cognizance about who the woman shoving her boobs in your face is, let alone why you wouldn't be allowed to eat or drink anything for two days!

To top all this off, she and the rest of the cult discovered that God wasn't going to hear their prayers and resurrect the child, so what did they do? They didn't call the authorities and say, "Hey, we may have screwed up here..." and claimed the Religious Indemnification clause--which must be somewhere in the Constitution since every group that isn't Christian claims it--so they didn't have to face too much trouble. NO! Instead! They get the brilliant idea of putting the body in a green suitcase, filling it with mothballs and dryer sheets (I assume to keep the body soft and fluffy) and carry it with them! This brings a whooooooole new meaning to the phrase, "Going Green."

Finally, they just decided to leave it behind a house in Philadelphia and re-locate to New York. A year later, the police discover it. With the body still inside. So, if you're MacGuyver and you're looking for a great way to preserve a corpse, mothballs and dryer sheets. Of course, you'll have to figure out how to make those out of duct tape and a Swiss Army knife, but you'll manage.

So, now the mother faces jail time for first degree murder. Her lawyers, however, are doing the American thing and hanging blame on the cult leaders. It's their fault! They brainwashed her! Uh...am I the only one NOT buying that? She was 20 at the time. The last time I checked, a 20 year old could make their own choices. They can say "no." They can say "I don't think that's right," or "I don't think that's going to work." Even I, reared as a fundamental Baptist, opened my big mouth to challenge every bit of doctrine crammed down my throat. Yeah, it may not be popular, but you come out with a brain.

...and rants like this...

Send the lot of them to jail. While you're at it...don't feed 'em for a couple of days and make up some story about how they didn't say the secret password....

The Oil Conspiracy

It's in the news everywhere. Gas prices are on the rise again. I don't need to link you to MSNBC or CNN for you to find a news story on the war and the price of gas in California. In fact, if you live in California, you can just walk to the gas station and scream. Or...just look at your keys. If you can afford it.

Everyone has always told me that war is a good economy-booster. But, who's really benefiting from this war in the Middle East? First of all, I don't think any of those countries have said, "Hey, America! Thanks for giving it the ol' college try!" In fact, I think those countries have pretty much done the opposite and shot our boys and girls in the back.

Yet we stay.

Their government will fall apart if we leave.

I have one thing to say to that: "WHO IN BIXBY'S NINE HELLS CARES?!" It's a volatile area. They've been at war with each other for centuries and here's a newsflash--they'll keep being at war until they either all die out or Jesus comes back (or for the first time, if you're Jewish). Don't sell me on a war you want to have by saying it's a fight on terrorism.

Also, in this "war on terrorism," don't take away my rights as an American citizen and say it's for my safety. If I were going to explode a bomb on a plane, I wouldn't wait in a 2 hour security check line. I'd dress as an employee. Also? What's with the "60% of 'fake' bombs" making it through the TSA checkpoint? Yes. Well done, Homeland Security. Well done.

When the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, we didn't tell the American Citizens they couldn't carry toothpaste in their carry on if it was over 3oz. We attacked the Japanese. So, when Al Quida gave the directive to fly planes into the Pentagon and Twin Towers...why, exactly are we not able to carry liquids over 3oz? THEY FLEW THE FREAKING PLANE!!!

Maybe we should check, oh, I dunno, PILOT LICENSES?

As much as I love our American troops, I still think Asylum Street Spankers have the right idea with "Stick Magnetic Ribbons (On Your SUV)." You can watch it here. So, maybe the Federal Government should visit a proctologist to remove the heads out of the rear ends of those people making the decisions to take away or violate my indelible rights. It's not terroristic to speak your mind. It's actually in the Constitution that one can do so--it's called "FREE SPEECH."

Why are the oil prices a conspiracy? Because the price per gallon doesn't need to be as high as it is. There's no reason for it. It's a way for the oil moguls to continue to ecru wealth. I don't see them stepping up to help pay off America's debt. I also don't see them really helping the economy, either. If a person makes $7.25/hr and has to spend $4.50/gallon, then on top of that pay for food, water, electricity, rent... It's virtually impossible.

It's a conspiracy against the American public. It's falling into order what Regan stated about America (depending on who you believe, he was either quoting Lenin or misquoting him):

After Russia we will take Eastern Europe, then the masses of Asia, then we will encircle the United States which will be the last bastion of capitalism. We will not have to attack. It will fall like an overripe fruit into our hands.

We're falling into the hands of something, America. And it ain't pretty.