The New Symbol of America

...from an e-mail from my SO....

Official Announcement: In Light of the 'Bailout'

The Federal government announced today that it is changing its symbol from an Eagle to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. See, a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.




Yes, I know this thing has been floating about for awhile and from several different countries. At least it's while Bush is in office and not Clinton. I'm sure there's a sexual reference you can make there. I don't have to do it for you. Just remember this link...

My job here is done.

Trojan Ma'am?

This article--well, it's not really an article as much as it is a write up--just...there are not words. Since the article is so short, lemme just paste it here:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Police in Port St. Lucie are on the lookout for a cross-dressing man who snatched a 74-year-old woman's purse. As if that weren't odd enough, they're depending on a strange clue. The suspect left behind a condom filled with water he had been using as a fake breast.

The woman said she believed the thief followed her while shopping. A witness told investigators he was wearing a short denim skirt and black tube top, and fled in a silver car with two other male crossdressers.

Police are processing the condom for fingerprint and DNA evidence.

Yep.

You read that correctly.

A water-filled condom.

Just -what- brand of condom are these drag-queens using?! And, are they making Maxine-esque boobs?! I mean, it's been my experience that condoms are made to be long and skinny...ya know, like a penis.

Yes, I said penis. Thank you, Beavis.

Let's be mature, here. We all know what condoms are for. They're for somewhat ensuring that you don't end up like Gov. Palin's daughter. Yes, yes, I went there. I went there because you're already thinking it. You know you are. It's the hottest news topic. And one, I might add, I've already talked about. So, yeah. Condoms. They come in many flavors and styles.

Which...makes me wonder...

What flavor was this water-filled fake boob?

Maybe it was the only use he could find for the extra-large condoms he thought he could impress someone with by buying them...

Who knows.

But, the mental image I have of a guy with water-filled condoms for boobs...just... well, to say it's disturbing is an understatement. I mean...were they hanging? Were they length-wise? Inquiring minds want to know!!! As disturbing as it is, it's like a train-wreck and you just can't stop staring...no matter how much you want to...

I can't really rant on this as much as I can just sit here and poke fun... Just...to know that this was somehow newsworthy...

The mind boggles...

"Paging Mr. Darwin...your species are multiplying..."